Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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