i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
