There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
