I'm laying in your front yard are you home
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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