3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
