call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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