$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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