Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
