The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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