ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
