I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
