i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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