Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
