It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
