My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
