our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
