all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm really busy with my period
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