it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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