I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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