My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
