I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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