im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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