Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
