This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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