I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
