Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
