i may or may not be watching the land before time
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
