It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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