I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
