So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
