why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
