i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
