Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
