walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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