Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
