i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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