I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
