dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
