mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
