Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
