Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
