Barsexuality is the new black.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
