I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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