my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
