somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.