you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
