I'm going to jail i love you
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?