sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?