Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
