I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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