somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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