U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
