both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
