i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
