It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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