I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
