Your dad touched me again.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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