Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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