Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
this just has baby written all over it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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