yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
