My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
