Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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