He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
