well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
